How to Embrace Your Assertiveness

Picture it – you’re in a meeting and the guy across the table from you is passionately explaining why your company needs to take the next step. Everyone at the conference table seems to be engaged, and drawn in to what he is saying. Another male co-worker jumps in and adds his opinion with just as much energy and directness, even hitting the table with his palm. Then you speak up and offer a dissenting opinion, just as passionately, and get responses like “No need to be so emotional” or “Calm down.”

It’s a scenario that can play out in hundreds of small ways across your career. You stand up for what you believe, and end up getting called “bitchy” or “too demanding.” Or maybe it’s your own internal labeling that is holding you back. You worry about being that “ball buster” that others are afraid of, so you hold back and end up limiting your own career.

Being assertive without being demanding is a delicate balance – especially for women. Here are five easy ways to embrace assertiveness now.

Do your homework

Passion is essential, but if you’re heading into a big meeting, group project or collaboration, do your homework. You’ll be more confident and assertive if you have the facts, figures and research to back up what you have to say – and you’ll quiet naysayers without attacking directly.

Shift your perspective

When you speak up, are you rebelling or leading a revolution? While both come from a place of frustration and change, being a revolutionary leader is about inspiring people to create something new. If you’re just rebellious and contrary, you’ll be focused on complaining and not on real change.

Banish “I’m sorry”

There are legitimate reasons to be sorry – like spilling coffee all over your coworker – but saying “I’m sorry” before every statement or response takes all of the power out of your words. Don’t apologize unless there’s a legitimate reason – and watch your speech for other modifying statements like “Could you do me a favor?” or “I was wondering if there was a way we could…” Ask for things directly and you’ll get better results.

Ask for more time

Do you have a coworker that always puts you on the spot to do something for them? If you’re not sure what to say, try responding with “I’ll think about it and get back to you.” It relieves the pressure to say “yes” right away, which you might be more likely to do when you’re asked on the spot. It’s a “nice” response to give you an out before overcommitting.

Use inclusive statements

Assertiveness is about expressing yourself clearly, as well as showing concern for others. You can accomplish both by using inclusive statements. For example, “You can hear that I feel strongly about this change, but I’d also like to hear what you think so we can find a workable solution.”

Assertiveness doesn’t have to equal bitchiness – and it shouldn’t. No matter where you are on the assertiveness scale, use these easy ideas to be stronger, more confident and direct.