posted by

reading time: 3 minutes

Do you often start your sentences with “I’m sorry, but…”? If so, have you ever wondered why? Here’s the deal — you do it because you don’t want to come across as rude. Think about it. How often have you apologized because you had a differing opinion? Or you had to remind someone to do something they said they were going to do? Or for simply asking a legitimate question? Newsflash — NONE of those require any amends from you. Sadly, women are especially guilty of this ridiculous practice.

Every time you say you’re sorry, you must understand that you are diluting the effect of your apology. Then, when a REAL apology is due, the significance is nil. Not good, especially in a professional work setting.

It is time to identify your triggers and learn how to break the cycle of “sorry.” Here are smart alternative responses that will help you to not only gain confidence in yourself, but win more respect from your colleagues too.

“That’s terrible.”

Use to: Express sympathy or empathy. Remember, YOU aren’t the one at fault.

Avoid: “Oh Emily, I’m sorry you didn’t get the job.”

Say: “Oh Emily, that’s terrible you didn’t get the job.”

“Pardon me.”

Use to: Interrupt people. A legitimate interruption does not require your forgiveness.

Avoid: “Sorry to bother you Joe, but our 2 o’clock is starting in 5 minutes. Want to head over together?”

Say: “Pardon me for interrupting Joe, but our 2 o’clock is starting in 5 minutes. Want to head over together?”

“I appreciate (your work, your thinking, your goals, etc.), however…”

Use to: Make your alternate points made without coming across as disagreeable.

Avoid: “I’m sorry, but in the interest of time, I think we should concentrate on the more pressing tasks at hand.”

Say: “I appreciate your goals on this, however, in the interest of time, I think we should concentrate on the more pressing tasks at hand.”

“Help me to…”

Use to: Ask for help, which (NEWSFLASH) does not require a precursor of forgiveness.

Avoid: “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand this graph.”

Say: “Help me to understand this graph.”

“Thanks.”

Use to: Show your appreciation to someone rather disdain for yourself.

Avoid: “I’m so sorry I made those silly mistakes in the document.”

Say: “Thanks for pointing out those silly mistakes I made in the document.”

“Oops.”

Use to: Acknowledge minuscule or inadvertent blunders that don’t require an apology.

Avoid: “Sorry I spilled coffee on your desk!”

Say: “Oops! I spilled coffee on your desk.”

“Sure.”

Use to: Acknowledge people’s requests when you’ve don’t nothing wrong.

Avoid: “I’m sorry, let’s go back to the spreadsheet to better understand the results.”

Say: “Sure, let’s go back to the spreadsheet to better understand the results.”

“Excuse me.”

Use to: Be polite in situations that don’t require apologizing for normal behavior.

Avoid: “Sorry, are you in line for coffee?”

Say: “Excuse me, are you in line for coffee?”

We challenge you to think hard before you speak. Are you certain about being sorry? If not, save your forgiveness for a time when you need it to really count.